Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

Wed., Feb. 8th would have been my due date if IVF #1 had worked.  I realized this the other day when I sat down to think about what the last year has held for us.  We've been through SO much.  Tests, surgeries, bloodwork, ultrasounds, retrievals, transfers....it's a lot.

Rather than focusing on what could've been ours at this point, I'm trying to hold out hope for this 3rd round to be successful.  Everyone else around me seems to think this is "the time," but they also did the previous 2 times....oh well, at least I have supportive people around me.  At some point, they have to be right, right?

I don't think that it's a complete coincidence that this week has been a week focused a lot on myself.  I've taken the time to get my nails done (for the 1st time ever), go to a professional hockey game, have lunch with my co-workers, get acupuncture, and go to a card-making/scrapbooking class.  I didn't plan it this way at all.  Normally, I barely find the time to do any of those things ever...let alone all in the same week!  I'm more of a workaholic.  I work long hours, come home, and do housework or cook, and maybe find time to exercise a little before taking a bath and falling asleep before my head hits the pillow-only to wake up and do it all over again.  Heck, it took me playing phone tag with the salon for 3 weeks just to get the nail appointment set up!  I think God must've held his tongue in just the right position and divinely aligned the stars so all this stuff happened to work out perfectly in my schedule this week.  I could get used to this!!  It's helped get my mind off of the passing of a woulda-coulda-shoulda been due date and also my upcoming FET on Friday.  I ought to be as stress free as I've ever been for those little embies to dig in and get cozy for a while! 

Now if only I were laying on a beach with some white sand and a drink that required a little umbrella....

Thaw 'Em All

We finally did make it to the Dr office on Tuesday, Jan 31st and I had my one and only internal ultrasound for this round of IVF.  I felt like I was visiting an old friend.  The screen showed that my lining was at 9.  They wanted it at least 6.5, so we are good to go with the calendar as planned for transfer being on Fri., Feb. 10th.  The Doc also said my ovaries were fairly small and "minding their own business," which is what they want at that point in time.  I'd hope they're minding their own business.  Nobody wants busy-body ovaries...

Since we had a minute with the Doc, I brought up the topic of thawing embryos.  This has been a debated topic between Hubby and I the last few days.  I distinctly remember during our last WTF appointment that the Doc said he'd thaw them all and use at least 2 if not all 3, if they make it through thaw.  I stopped the Doc that saw me that day and asked her opinion.  She advised that she'd thaw all 3 and see what we have to work with - which is where I was leaning, but Hubby is a little freaked out by the number 3.  I think he's truly afraid of all 3 "taking."  I am to the point where I don't feel that all of them would - given our stellar prior results.  And I'm not terribly convinced that all 3 will even make it through thaw.  I'm just trying to give myself the best chances of success for this round, since we have nothing left "in the freezer" and would have to start all over with a fresh cycle if this doesn't work.  Ugh.

I am trying to not stress about the number to transfer this time.  The past 2 times, I've wondered & worried about the number.  And then both times, the decision was kind of already made for us.  I am hoping that it's the same this time, so I'm trying to not worry about it too much until Friday.  I think it's best to thaw 'em all and see what we have to work with.

When I got my clothes back on, the IVF Nurse gave me my bloodwork orders to have done here in town - they've done these here in town the last 2 rounds, so hopefully nothing will be terribly screwed up this time.  Although with the way things have been going, I'm not holding my breath!

Birds & Bees Videos

This video was suggested to me from a friend.  Sounds like something I would've written.  It's kind of like they filmed my life.  And if it's like mine, it's probably like any other infertile.  Enjoy!

Jane's Pregnant Again...

This next one could be about me & my peeing on a stick hobby...

As the next video reinforces, this is NOT about making love.  It's about making babies.

And finally, the "scheduled encounters" we have all made...

Might as well laugh at this crazy thing, right?

#Ridiculousness

I am not a very superstitious person.  I walk on cracks and my mother's back is fine.  I have walked under ladders and broken mirrors and life has not been too terribly devastating...minus a few rough years.  However, I'm beginning to wonder if I need to get some garlic and a cross and walk around with it for a while...

I seem to be having problems - major problems - with even the small stuff this 3rd round of IVF.  The first round was difficult because I was shooting up for the 1st time in my life and the 1st round tends to just be overwhelming with the drugs and calendars.  The 2nd round was worse because I developed OHSS.  This 3rd round, however, I've had problems since the start.  I had to wait and wait till I finally did start.  Then I had to go through 2 pharmacies and 18,000 20 phone calls to even get them just in the nick of time.  Then, my bloodwork was all screwy since the Dr told me I could have it done here in my town, which ended up not being true. 

So, the latest trial is getting to the dr office.  Yes, you read that right.  I've been there at least 15 times.  I know how to get there - I just had trouble with that on Tuesday.  I had an appointment on January 31st at 8am for my ultrasound and calendar follow up appointment.  Because we live about an hour away from the Doc, Hubby and I decided to leave the house at 6:30am to give ourselves plenty of time in case we hit traffic.  As we sat on the Interstate, I tweeted, "Sitting behind accident #3 on I-70. #Ridiculousness."  At 8:20, we strolled into the Doc's office.  When the nurse asked how I was this morning, I told her I was here and that's as good as it's getting right now.  She just cocked her head to the side and looked at me.

Now that I think about it, that little frustrated tweet is pretty indicative of this entire round of IVF:  (Imagine me shouting this like the TV Infomercial guy Billy Mays.)

Period is late?  #Ridiculousness!  

Drugs on backorder?  #Ridiculousness!  

You don't do THAT blood test in house so no same-day results? #Ridiculousness!  

3 accidents putting us at a stand-still on the Interstate 3 times in 1 trip?  #Ridiculousness!

So, I have 2 thoughts:  Either this Round #3 is putting us through hell because I'm going to get pregnant with twins and be done with IVF forever OR it's a downhill spiral that is preparing me for another disappointment, at which point I will throw a tantrum full of #Ridiculousness.

Either way, in my opinion, it's ALL #Ridiculousness!