Sunday, December 2, 2012

Pregnancy I've Never

OK, so we're going to play a little virtual game.  Maybe you've played it before?  It's called, "I've Never."  The rules of the game are simple....I'm going to make an "I've never" statement.  Usually this game is a drinking game, although since I was pregnant when I started this post, we're just going to play on here and pretend.  It's almost like I can taste that Chocolate Martini...  Assuming we were all together enjoying drinks of choice, you have to drink if the statement doesn't apply to you.  Here's an example:

I say, "I've never checked my mailbox."  If you have ever checked your mailbox, you drink!

  • I've never gagged so hard while brushing my teeth that I puked thus having to start over on brushing my teeth.  (one drink for me!)
  • I've never coughed or sneezed in public and peed my pants.  (two drinks for me!)
  • I've never told a co-worker to get into my purse to get out a piece of gum and told her to overlook the spare pair of underwear I carry in there just in case I pee myself in public....again (three drinks!)
  • I've never gotten up more than 5 times a night to pee.  (four drinks!)
  • I've never woken up in the morning with my nightgown crusted to my chest.  (five drinks!)
  • I've never had to have someone put my shoes on me because I can't bend over to tie them.  (six drinks!)
  • I've never been envious of people who get more ultrasounds than me.  (seven drinks)
  • I've never googled images of ultrasounds at each week of pregnancy to see what our baby looks like (eight drinks)
  • I've never wondered if there was a way to cheat on a glucose test.  (nine drinks)
  • I've never had a former classmate who is now an OB/GYN fill in for my Dr and check to see if I'm dilated (ten drinks!)
  • I've never flashed all my friends (male & female) with the back of a hospital gown left open (eleven drinks!)
  • I've never stressed about getting my blood pressure taken (twelve drinks!) 
  • I've never noticed that my belly button is off center (thirteen drinks!)
And the best for last:
  • I've never gotten out of the bathtub, gagged so hard while brushing my teeth that I peed down my clean leg, and had to get back in the bathtub.  (oh hell, I might as well just drink the whole bottle!)
Feel free to play along and add your own!


  1. I've never puked on the floor of the bathroom because I couldn't get to the toilet fast enough, started walking out to get some cleaning supplies, realized I had to puke again, and then slipped an landed flat on my back in the puddle of original puke - while throwing up again.

    Thank you morning sickness!

    Fourteen drinks. ;)

  2. I've never taken the drain stop out of my bathtub because I threw up in the shower so frequently.

    I've never had to wake up my DW each time I had to pee so that she could unhook me from the hospital monitor and then plug me back in when I was done.

    I've never asked my OB permission to vote in the presidential primary, since I was on bed rest, and the absentee ballot never came.

    I've never smelled my panty liner to confirm that I was only leaking urine and not amniotic fluid.