Coming Out of the (Nursery) Closet

Krissi at Stress Free Infertility writes a wonderful blog and has a book ready to come out (and has already won awards for it!).  She featured my blog in her latest "blog love" post.  I thought that was kind of cool. I frankly think anyone wanting to read my rants & ramblings is kinda cool.  So I posted on Facebook, (because I am an addict), "An award-winning author featured my blog on her blog.  How cool is that?!"
I had, as I figured, many friends that "liked" this post.  However, I had not anticipated the protest from many friends for me to post my blog address.  Oh geez.  Hubby immediately said, "You're not going to post that, are you?"  I told him there was no way.  Let's face it, I've poured out a lot of my heart on here.  It's my therapy and just maybe it will help someone else along this same windy, not quite beaten bath.  But expose myself for the whole world ,or rather, my 1,500 friends on Facebook?  That's another level for which I'm just not ready.

When I thought about what would happen if I did post the address for the world to see, I felt very naked...and not in a Marvin Gaye Let's-Get-It-On kinda way.  Was it just that I don't want the world to know all my troubles?  Maybe a little.  Afterall, I do hate hand-on-the-forehead, woe is me, everybody pay attention to me kind of drama.  But I know that there's more to it than that.  I felt like it would expose this secret thing in my life.  Was it shame?  Was it embarrassment?  Deep down, do I have a fear that I'm the one-of-these-things-that's-not-like-the-others?  Possibly.  If I'm honest, probably.

I, though, get a guilty conscience when I feel the need to keep the infertility part of my life hidden from the world.  I'm very much a believer in being honest...hence some of my rather blunt forthcoming blog posts.  I feel like hiding this stuff from the people that know me is doing some injustice to our infertility community.  I'm continuing the trend of not wanting to talk about it and not wanting it to be such a public thing.  I'm hiding it and not making an issue out of it.  I'm not educating the general public that know me on something so near and dear to my heart.  Am I betraying who I am?  Am I leaving out a part of my identity? 

So, I'm not ready to come out of the closet...that is, the nursery closet...yet.  Many of my close friends and a lot of our family members know about our struggles.  That's enough, at least for now.

Banned Facebook Statuses

If you've read my blog, you know that I've said several times I'm a facebook addict.  I love the thing.  I use it for work, personal life, & a photography business that Hubby & I own together.  I put up pics, comment on others posts & share my thoughts with friends....A LOT.  I don't even mind the pregnancy announcements & pics that follow. 

However, there have been several posts that have run through my devious little brain, but I have NOT shared on facebook.  These are just things no one should ever share, at least not with the delicate fertile public.  For your entertainment, I present my top 10 Facebook Statuses that I ban myself to ever post:

1. Stuck some progesterone up my hoo hah before I went to bed last night.  Hope it doesn't fall out!
2. Well, it's Monday, so Hubby got up and stuck me in the a$$ first thing this morning.  What a way to start the week!
3. Wow, seems like the more men I add to the process, the more it costs to get knocked up!
4. Hope I mixed my drugs correctly before I shot up this morning.
5. No, I cannot have a meeting with you today because A. I don't like you, & B. I'm full of hormones.  NOT a good combination, for your sake.
6. Leaving the house to go get knocked-up.  For most people, that's just a fun option.
7. My Doc costs more than a virgin hooker!
8.  My drug dealer came through!  Yay!
9.  Hope the embryologist gets my ice babies all thawed & warm before putting them in me later today!  No frost allowed at the equator!!
10. Can peeing on a stick be a hobby?

AND A BONUS:
11. When the Doc told me I'd be starting & ending my day with shots, this is NOT what I had in mind...

Better Late Than Never

At 2:30pm on Friday, January 20th, my IVF Nurse called & said that my blood results were in.  Hallelujah!  They were looking for my estradiol level to be below 80 - Mine was 30!  She made sure that I knew I had to come to their lab next Friday for my first blood draw after adding the Estradiol Valerate shots. They are looking for my E2 level to spike somewhere between 200 and 1000, which will help in building a thick lining in the uterus.  Yes, make it nice and cozy for my ice babies!  I have to go to the lab by their office (an hour away) because they have to have my results the same day in case any adjustments in dosages need to occur.  Another disadvantage to living in a small town - blood labs can't do same-day results.  :-(

So, I'm a "go" for adding Estradiol shots to my regimen on Monday, Jan 23rd!  We are moving along.

I figured, this being Round #3 and all, that getting drugs & bloodwork would not be a difficult part of this process.  Even these things are a challenge this time...

Dealer Came Through!

On Thurs., Jan 19th, Hubby texted me when he got home from work.  This (estradiol valerate & corresponding needles & syringes) arrived!

Can you believe that this little vial cost me $70???

 Now if only my blood results would come back, I can start these injections on time on Mon., Jan 23rd!