Monday, January 30, 2012

Coming Out of the (Nursery) Closet

Krissi at Stress Free Infertility writes a wonderful blog and has a book ready to come out (and has already won awards for it!).  She featured my blog in her latest "blog love" post.  I thought that was kind of cool. I frankly think anyone wanting to read my rants & ramblings is kinda cool.  So I posted on Facebook, (because I am an addict), "An award-winning author featured my blog on her blog.  How cool is that?!"
I had, as I figured, many friends that "liked" this post.  However, I had not anticipated the protest from many friends for me to post my blog address.  Oh geez.  Hubby immediately said, "You're not going to post that, are you?"  I told him there was no way.  Let's face it, I've poured out a lot of my heart on here.  It's my therapy and just maybe it will help someone else along this same windy, not quite beaten bath.  But expose myself for the whole world ,or rather, my 1,500 friends on Facebook?  That's another level for which I'm just not ready.

When I thought about what would happen if I did post the address for the world to see, I felt very naked...and not in a Marvin Gaye Let's-Get-It-On kinda way.  Was it just that I don't want the world to know all my troubles?  Maybe a little.  Afterall, I do hate hand-on-the-forehead, woe is me, everybody pay attention to me kind of drama.  But I know that there's more to it than that.  I felt like it would expose this secret thing in my life.  Was it shame?  Was it embarrassment?  Deep down, do I have a fear that I'm the one-of-these-things-that's-not-like-the-others?  Possibly.  If I'm honest, probably.

I, though, get a guilty conscience when I feel the need to keep the infertility part of my life hidden from the world.  I'm very much a believer in being honest...hence some of my rather blunt forthcoming blog posts.  I feel like hiding this stuff from the people that know me is doing some injustice to our infertility community.  I'm continuing the trend of not wanting to talk about it and not wanting it to be such a public thing.  I'm hiding it and not making an issue out of it.  I'm not educating the general public that know me on something so near and dear to my heart.  Am I betraying who I am?  Am I leaving out a part of my identity? 

So, I'm not ready to come out of the closet...that is, the nursery closet...yet.  Many of my close friends and a lot of our family members know about our struggles.  That's enough, at least for now.


  1. I live two lives one is my normal life then I have my infertile life. People are just now finding out about my infertile life.

  2. I've "come out of the closet" so to speak and have had mixed reviews from family!! My husband's family acts like it's all a big deal and should be a hushed subject! I don't get it honestly. None of them had fertility issues, so they don't understand.

    I have had great encouragement from my FB friends about our struggle. Esp since I'm having surgery this week and more of my FB friends know than his family! Come out when you're ready! When you do, I'll be the first one liking your status! hehe

    Also, there's a link to my FB on my blog!!!

  3. I tried coming out of the "infertile" closet and while I was ready to come out, our families weren't ready. I was met with rude comments and insensitivity. I shared my blog, our struggles and our journey and it all got thrown in my face. Several women are met with open arms and I desperately wish that could be the same for me, and I can only hope the same can be said for you. If you are ready, than go for it. Just be prepared for the mixed reviews. I think that the only reason infertility is still a taboo subject is because while the infertile community is well versed, our families aren't and some refuse to listen to us about it when we do come out of the "closet." It's just an awkward subject, and some still think it's a choice to have kids, not a biological right. It's ridiculous. Until THEY are willing to be more open minded, we are still stuck.

    I am forever grateful for the wonderful women I have met online who have supported me through this difficult journey, but I would have loved the support from my familiy, but I know it will never come. Instead I've been met with "why don't you just foster a child to kill time" or "fertility drugs cause cancer you know, we don't want retarded grandkids." Ah the memories=) That's wonderful that your blog has been featured, I know more women will benefit from your humorous outlook on infertility, I know I have!

  4. I struggle with this ALL the time. Should I out myself on FB or keep it vague? I just don't feel like everyone and their mom needs to know my business, but I do think it is a disservice to the IF community that I am not speaking up more. I have told many people, but I am not 'out there' yet.

  5. Whatever you decide to do, you just have to do what is best for you. You do not know owe anyone anything. I am struggling this cycle feeling guilty about not telling people any details because I know they want what is best for me but for my sanity I have decided not to talk about it. It does get tiring hearing mixed reviews especially from those who have no clue what any of this is like. Congrats on the feature! Always great to know people are reading our blogs and liking them!

  6. Hi Joey,

    Could I have your email account, I'm putting my blog private for now...and I want to add you as a reader, if your are OK with it...

  7. Like you, I stayed silent for years. And then one day, the "ah-ha" moment came and I recognized that by staying quiet, I was perpetuating the idea that infertility is a taboo topic. I knew that in order for me to break down the barriers, I had to be ready to discuss it all. And I made the leap, and I came out about infertility. At that time (2005) Facebook wasn't the huge social network that it is today, so that wasn't an issue. I outed myself on blogs, in online forums, in online games I played, etc. Most people were very supportive. The others... well, I reasoned that obviously they didn't care all that much about me or what mattered to me. (Just my way of rationalizing. Take it for what you will.)
    When and if you're ready to come out, you will know. Until then, we're all still here for you. *hugs*