Connecting the Dots

In the weeks since the phone call, I had talked a lot to Dr. Google - just as I was told not to.  (Did she really think she could drop those bombs on the phone to me and I'd really wait 3 1/2 weeks till my next appointment to learn anything about what she said?!  She obviously didn't know me and my Type A personality very well!)  I  learned a lot about Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and Metabolic Syndrome.  My hormones were messed up, causing my body to make too much insulin and not uptake enough.  My own body was working against me!  (My luck!  Of course it was!) 

Looking back, things started to make sense.  My periods had been irregular from the start and later in high school they became extremely painful.  My doctor had prescribed birth control pills for me as a freshman in college so I could endure the pain long enough to leave my dorm and go to class.  I had continually put on weight, too.  Over the years, I'd eventually gone from a size 4 to a size 14 while having a very active lifestyle.  Because of the weight gain, my previous doctor had even tested me for diabetes and thyroid problems, but found no major problems.  I had been able to lose a little weight, in the past, for a short time, but it had to be an all-consuming process including obsessive exercising and calorie counting almost to the point of starvation.  It never stayed off and I felt terrible about it.  The summer of 2010, I had been running - up to 4 miles per day for months - and had not lost a single pound.  I ate a very healthy diet and only ate when I was hungry, but the scales didn't show it.  I felt like I wasn't working hard enough or wasn't disciplined enough.  Was I just fat and lazy and making excuses?  It was exhausting to even try to lose just a few pounds and I had often told my husband that I wasn't sure why this one thing had to be so difficult for me. 

Things were starting to make sense, finally, and I was able to connect the dots for myself.  I wasn't lazy!  I was happy to have some answers, but I was also sad to learn that this would be a life-long problem for me.