Good, Bad, & Ugly Advice

I began to tell my friends that I had decided to go to the doctor.  They knew the sadness that went along with not being able to conceive.  I know they were being helpful in giving advice - even advice that was crazy - but I still tried most of these "helpful" tips.  I mean, wouldn't you if you were desperate?  So, here is a list of tips I got from every caring soul in the process:

• Eat oysters (I actually like seafood, so this is OK with me)
• Consume lots of raw fruit
• Eat things with lots of seeds (Do chocolate covered strawberries count?)
• Cut out all sugar (See chocolate covered strawberry comment above.)
• Eat asparagus, bananas and other phallic-shaped things (I'm trying to make a baby, not a porn...)
• Drink caffeine (I drink tea everyday)
• Don't drink caffeine (How can I drink caffeine and avoid it at the same time?)
• Get drunk (Obviously before trying)
• Eat lots of veggies
• Eat lots of protein
• Lose weight (How was I supposed to do that with the consumption list I was given?  Running 4 miles per day didn't help either.  We'll get to this later.)
• Don't do anything terribly strenuous (Wasn't that the point of exercising?)
• Just don't worry about it (Easy for you to say)
• Just relax (Really?!)
• Get a massage or relax in a hot bath often
• Don't take hot baths
• Hurry up because you're in your 30s (Oh yeah, that helps me relax!)
• Rest with my legs up for at 30 minutes afterward (Told it was fool-proof. It's not.)
• Do a head-stand after sex (This just makes you dizzy)
• Get lots of sleep (How can I do that if I'm doing head stands?)
• Try on Day 14
• Try every other day between Days 12 and 20 (Math & sex should NOT go together)
• Try EVERY day between Days 10 and 21 (Tired just thinking about that)
• Only missionary position (Now where's the fun in that?)
• Take a multi-vitamin (One piece of advice that's helped just for health sake.)
• Get lots of folic acid (In the vitamin.)
• Get acupuncture (Uh, no.)
• Make sure our bedroom is Feng Shui friendly (WHAT?!)
• Try it someplace other than the bedroom (How does this help?)
• Wear fertility jewelry (I work with kids.  Not sure I could explain that one.)
• Pray more (I'm a Christian & pray all the time. Apparently, I wasn't asking God hard enough?)

I am guilty of trying most of the things on this list.  Afterall, it'd been 3 years and if there was one thing I could do to help the situation, I was willing to try. Some were healthy choices.  Some made sense, in theory.  Some are just plain goofy.  Now I just look back and chuckle.  How are you supposed to eat all that, lose weight, time everything correctly, and NOT be stressed?  It's a wonder that women become pregnant at all.