And the Betas Are...

Apparently there has been too much Grammy & Oscar Awards buzz in my head because I just imagine the announcer making a big deal about announcing my Betas..

HCG Beta #1: Mon., Feb 20th (10dp5dt): 100.5
HCG Beta #2: Wed., Feb 22nd (12dp5dt): 248.8
HCG Beta #3: Fri., Feb 24th (14dp5dt): 645
HCG Beta #4: Tues., Feb 28th (18dp5dt): 2,745

The winner is....US!  The music swells and the crowd goes wild!  And of course, I look stunning!

Picked Up an Old Hobby!

So from that 1pm 5dp5dt faint-2nd-line point on, I decided I was going to use all those pregnancy tests my staff smuggled into my office.  In part, because I kept having to take them to prove to myself that that 2nd line, as faint as it was, was there.  I was afraid and kept expecting it to disappear...and not in an evaporation line kind of way.  So here's how I spent those few days till my first Beta blood test:

I even had a digital one in the batch, so I took it too.  It helped ease the is-the-2nd-line-really-there worry I had:

2nd Line in the House

On Wed, Feb 15th, I decided to work at home a little (as in, check my email & update my company's facebook page - really hard work) and take a half a sick day.  My pulse was still high and I was still feeling shaky & nervous inside.  I wondered if I overdid it yesterday at work with all that Valentine partying with 32 kiddos.  Rather than risk it, I decided to stay home and catch up on mundane things like laundry and television.  I felt weird taking sick time because I wasn't sick and in bed, but oh well.  My laundry, and therefore my Hubby, thanked me.

Late morning, I got a phone call from my Doc's office letting me know that my Progesterone level came back at 25 and anything over 20 was good. I told the nurse I was still feeling funny and now I was running a 99.2 fever.  Once she ruled out that I was not infected at the injection sites, she told me to go off of Metformin because they think my sugar is getting too low.  That kind of shocked me because that's a drug you normally have to ween yourself on and off of, but OK.  No more Metformin.  I just hope my sugar doesn't go completely out of whack and I don't blow up like a balloon put on a few pounds!

At 1pm, I was upstairs doing laundry and I really had to pee.  I thought that I might as well POAS, since I had so many.  (At work, to give away through our Food Pantry and Clothing Bank, we got a huge shipment of pregnancy tests from a store because they used a razor blade to open the case and they sliced open all the individual pregnancy test packages.  Things this store cannot sell because of damage, they give to us, which is pretty cool.  In this instance, it was very useful!  I bet we got 200 of them.  And my staff, being awesome, each smuggled several into my office before this last round of IVF.  So, I'm not kidding when I say I had at least a dozen tests).  I figured it was worth a shot since I was now 5dp5dt with our one little frozen embryo.  And this is what I got...

I had to actually put this test next to the one I took the night before just to make sure there really was a faint line there.  Hubby, later, inverted the pic for me just to prove there was a line there.

 

Ladies, I think there's a 2nd line in the house!

V Day

On Tuesday, February 14th, I went back to work.  It was Valentine's Day and I really didn't want to miss the Youth Center's Valentine Party.  I love seeing them pass out their little Valentines.  And then of course we sugar them up and send them home!

I noticed that I felt like my pulse was high again today.  I felt a bit nervous and shaky, but still not as bad as Sunday.  During a Finance Committee Meeting, my ears had a hot flash.  Apparently the hormones are still hard at work!

That evening I took a home pregnancy test.  I knew it was only 4dt5dt, which is still VERY early.  But I thought if it was positive, it would be a really nice Valentine present for Hubby.  It was negative, but I really wasn't disappointed since it was so early.  Fingers still crossed!

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

So, being in the 2-week-wait I am hopeful and looking for good signs anywhere I can.  The first happened at acupuncture and the second happened at work.  At any rate, I'll take any good signs at this point - real or not!

At acupuncture on Monday, Sarah, my acupuncturist, laughed when she put me on the table and said that she had a dream about me on Friday night after she had worked on me post-embryo-transfer.  She said she had a dream that she could see my embryo burying itself in the lining.  She laughed and said she knew it had to be me she was dreaming about because there was no one else she was working on that was trying to get pregnant and is sure as hell wasn't herself!  I'll take it!

Then at work on Tuesday, my co-worker (and friend) came in my office.  She and her family had been looking at houses to buy or rent because they had her mother move in with them.  They already had a large family and another body means they just have to have more room or 1 or 2 children may die soon!  The week before my embryo transfer, they found the perfect house - 5 bedrooms, several full baths, halfway between town and country, in the same school district that her kids attend, 35 acres of woods for her kids to play in, and well within her family's budget.  She was salivating about this house.  When she came into my office, she explained that she had been praying really hard for this house for a week, but on Friday, she prayed about our embryo baby instead.  She said on Friday, she was driving into town and passed the house and prayed about it and then remembered to pray about our baby.  She says she distinctly heard God asking her if the house or my baby was more important and she said the baby was way more important.  Not 2 minutes later, the owner of the house called her cell phone and told her that they'd decided to rent that particular house to someone else, but they had another house in mind for her family.  So, she's convinced that she gave up her house and that I'm pregnant because of it.  Again, I'll take it!

Krissi at Stress Free Infertility featured my blog in a post on her blog a few weeks ago.  Her next article was about how every blogger that she picked to feature in the past had ended up pregnant.  She says she must have the magic touch.  Feature my blog!  Feature the heck out of it!!

Now, if only these signs meant something real, I'd be a happy camper!

"Make Pretty Babies" on 3dp5dt

On Mon., Feb. 13th, I think I was a little stir crazy.  I was 3dp transfer and I was so happy to be out of the house!  I was feeling a bit better, but my pulse was still pretty high.  I got up, got my shots, and went to the hospital for a Progesterone blood test.  I have a giant bruise where they took my blood.  Does this happen to everyone else, or am I just some sort of wimp whose body can't take a blood draw? 

I came back home to rest before acupuncture later in the day and cramping set in.  It was not a doube-me-over-and cry kinda cramping.  It wasn't even really what I'd consider sharp like the other 2 rounds of IVF.  I would describe it more as just a little nuisance pain.  It was pretty consistent and would last for a while.  Hubby told the embryo to snuggle in nice and deep.  I hope it listens.  I was also pretty hungry - as evidenced that I put on 5 pounds over the course of 2 days...

Later in the afternoon I went to acupuncture.  She put the few needles in me, pointing out that this day she got to put the special "Make Pretty Babies" point in.  I hope she got it really well!  Acupuncture was relaxing, as evidenced by Hubby laughing at me when I jerked because I had fallen asleep.  I told him to just continue sitting there reading his Kindle and minding his OWN business.

We went home and watched TV for the rest of the evening, with cramps on and off.  I was tired of laying on the couch, but the day had worn me out.  Hubby was a gem during the whole day, helping me in and out of the truck, making me lay down while he got me drinks and snacks.  Right after midnight, he gave me my Valentine's Day present - another bead for my Pandora bracelet.  I think I'll keep him...

Am I Running & Don't Know It?

I went to bed on Sat., Feb. 11th (1dp5dt) feeling a little strange.  I was a little lightheaded, but just put myself in bed and went to sleep.  I figured I just needed to sleep through whatever was going on with me.

The next morning, I got up and didn't feel much better.  I really felt very nervous & shaky - like if I don't get to eat all day.  Also, my resting pulse was in the 90s, which is not normal for me.  I really felt like I was running a marathon while just sitting on the couch.  Hopefully I was losing a few pounds in the process...

Around 5pm, I called the emergency number for my Doc's office.  I felt strange calling the emergency number because I'm not in major pain and I'm not bleeding or anything, but this just wasn't 't normal for me.  I ended up getting the Doc that did my transfer on Friday on the phone.  I told him what was going on and he said that either my sugar had gotten low since I am still taking my Metformin for PCOS & I had a sudden change in activity level with being on bedrest.  He suggested getting some Gatorade to try to even things out.  He also said that it could be a reaction to  Progesterone, since I had changed one shot a day to a suppository.  If I still felt bad at bedtime, he told me to hold off on the suppository.  He said that if I didn't feel better, I need to call their office on Mon. morning.

Go Time!

Friday, Feb. 10th was Go-Time!  We left the house early in the morning to sign papers at the lab.  We put our heads together and said a quick prayer before walking into the lab.  Hubby ended by saying, "Please make this work."  We knew that we had 3 embryos frozen that we were trying to use during this FET.  We both caught our breath a little when the man at the lab said he thought we only had 1 to use that morning.  ONLY ONE?  My heart sank.

Next door I got on the table and the Doc came in with the report that only one embryo had made it through the thaw.  I told the Doc that I was really disappointed that we only had one.  He reassured me that the one embryo we had was still a Grade 1 Blastocyst and looks great.  I asked which IVF Cycle it was from, but no one could answer because IVF #1 and IVF #2 embryos were frozen together.

The transfer of our one embryo went very smoothly and quickly.  The Doc explained everything that he was doing and pointed everything out on the ultrasound screen.  He told me that I was to lay on the table for at least 15 minutes - and if I stayed there more like 30, he wasn't going to shove me out.  Right before he left my room, he grabbed my hand and said he really hoped it worked this time.

While I laid there, one of the IVF nurses came in and went over my medicine protocol with Hubby and me.  After 35 minutes, I finally gave myself permission to get up, stop to see the acupuncturist, and then head home for bed-rest.

Oh Baby, It's On!

Transfer is set for 10:35am TODAY!  I have to have a full bladder because they want to do an ultrasound guided transfer.  Luckily I didn't have to go through retrieval this time, so having a full bladder doesn't hurt!

We've instructed them to thaw all 3 embryos that we have frozen.  Since the decision has kind of been made for us each time as far as how many to transfer, we figured we'd thaw all 3 and whatever we're left with is what we're supposed to use.  Aren't you impressed with now non-stressed I'm trying to be?!?!

Baby Dancin' or Silliness: You Decide!

I run an at-risk Youth Center for 32 kids and I love them dearly.  Because we provide transportation for these kiddos to get to and from the Center, I pay a lot of attention to the weather.  And let me tell ya, I LOVE snow days.  A couple years ago, the kids and I made up a silly little dance and we do it anytime there is snow in the forecast.  We call it our "Snow Dance."  While it was just a fun little thing that first year, last year, we experienced a bit of a phenomenon.  Every time we did a snow dance, we had at least 1 snow day.  It got so bad that, on my Facebook wall, the parents began requesting that we stop doing snow dances.  For whatever little magic reason, doing our snow dances worked.

So, I had a rather crazy idea that I would come up with a slightly new dance and told them it was the Grow Strong Dance.  They think they're growing strong.  I wasn't going to tell them I was having them dance for something else to grow strong.

So, this afternoon, we shook our right hand in the air.  Then we shook our left.  Then we shook both hands and clapped them together once really hard. 

Then we put our hands on our bellies and shook our booties.

I apologize that the pictures are blurry, but their little bodies move quickly!  They thought it was silly.  Little did they know they were growing eggs in my right ovary, then my left ovary, then putting the sperm & egg together, putting them in my belly, and burrowing them in.  There is a method to my madness.  We did it several times to make sure we all knew how to do it perfectly.  They loved it.  I loved it.  And hopefully, a little Snow Dance magic carried over to our Grow Strong Dance.

Sucker Punched

So yesterday would have been my due date if IVF #1 had worked.  I had meetings all day and dinner with friends last night.  I was doing really OK.  Like I said in a previous post, I've been really good about doing some things for myself this week like getting my nails done, going to a card-making class, and hanging out with friends.

Last night when we got home from dinner, I sat on an ice pack on the couch in preparation for my next PIO Shot.  It numbs it so that it doesn't hurt so much, which is helpful when we're now doing 2 and 3 shots a day.  While waiting for my hip to get numb, I had my laptop and was on several IF'ers blogs looking up crazy things that may help with implantation.  I'm getting a little desperate and willing to try silly things...gotta buy a pineapple today...  At this point, Hubby shows me an email that he just received that family members are pregnant with #4.

The timing of that could not have been worse.  That one hurt.

I've Ruined Hubby

Hubby is the voice of reason in our marriage.  He's super smart. He's calm.  He's serious.  He's a lot more proper than I will ever be.  He shakes his head at me when I burp or make jokes that are a tad over the line.  He has the tendency to point out when I get excited about something and get too loud.  However, on Sun., Feb. 5th at a baby shower I got proof that I've rubbed off on him...

We have been asked to be the Godparents of a friend's son that's going to be born in March.  They threw a co-ed baby shower this past Sunday.  We arrived to a houseful of people, ate, visited with friends, and sat down to watch the mom-to-be open gobs of presents.

The opening of little clothes just continued and continued.  And honestly, they really were super cute.  The Mom got so many clothes that she said maybe she was having 5 babies instead of just one.  Without missing a beat, Hubby turned to me and said, "Maybe we could buy one.  Afterall, having 5 is just selfish."  I lost it.  And yes, I laughed loudly!

Hubby, my Rev. Mr. Proper Hubby, made a joke about buying a baby.  I think I've ruined him....

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

Wed., Feb. 8th would have been my due date if IVF #1 had worked.  I realized this the other day when I sat down to think about what the last year has held for us.  We've been through SO much.  Tests, surgeries, bloodwork, ultrasounds, retrievals, transfers....it's a lot.

Rather than focusing on what could've been ours at this point, I'm trying to hold out hope for this 3rd round to be successful.  Everyone else around me seems to think this is "the time," but they also did the previous 2 times....oh well, at least I have supportive people around me.  At some point, they have to be right, right?

I don't think that it's a complete coincidence that this week has been a week focused a lot on myself.  I've taken the time to get my nails done (for the 1st time ever), go to a professional hockey game, have lunch with my co-workers, get acupuncture, and go to a card-making/scrapbooking class.  I didn't plan it this way at all.  Normally, I barely find the time to do any of those things ever...let alone all in the same week!  I'm more of a workaholic.  I work long hours, come home, and do housework or cook, and maybe find time to exercise a little before taking a bath and falling asleep before my head hits the pillow-only to wake up and do it all over again.  Heck, it took me playing phone tag with the salon for 3 weeks just to get the nail appointment set up!  I think God must've held his tongue in just the right position and divinely aligned the stars so all this stuff happened to work out perfectly in my schedule this week.  I could get used to this!!  It's helped get my mind off of the passing of a woulda-coulda-shoulda been due date and also my upcoming FET on Friday.  I ought to be as stress free as I've ever been for those little embies to dig in and get cozy for a while! 

Now if only I were laying on a beach with some white sand and a drink that required a little umbrella....

Thaw 'Em All

We finally did make it to the Dr office on Tuesday, Jan 31st and I had my one and only internal ultrasound for this round of IVF.  I felt like I was visiting an old friend.  The screen showed that my lining was at 9.  They wanted it at least 6.5, so we are good to go with the calendar as planned for transfer being on Fri., Feb. 10th.  The Doc also said my ovaries were fairly small and "minding their own business," which is what they want at that point in time.  I'd hope they're minding their own business.  Nobody wants busy-body ovaries...

Since we had a minute with the Doc, I brought up the topic of thawing embryos.  This has been a debated topic between Hubby and I the last few days.  I distinctly remember during our last WTF appointment that the Doc said he'd thaw them all and use at least 2 if not all 3, if they make it through thaw.  I stopped the Doc that saw me that day and asked her opinion.  She advised that she'd thaw all 3 and see what we have to work with - which is where I was leaning, but Hubby is a little freaked out by the number 3.  I think he's truly afraid of all 3 "taking."  I am to the point where I don't feel that all of them would - given our stellar prior results.  And I'm not terribly convinced that all 3 will even make it through thaw.  I'm just trying to give myself the best chances of success for this round, since we have nothing left "in the freezer" and would have to start all over with a fresh cycle if this doesn't work.  Ugh.

I am trying to not stress about the number to transfer this time.  The past 2 times, I've wondered & worried about the number.  And then both times, the decision was kind of already made for us.  I am hoping that it's the same this time, so I'm trying to not worry about it too much until Friday.  I think it's best to thaw 'em all and see what we have to work with.

When I got my clothes back on, the IVF Nurse gave me my bloodwork orders to have done here in town - they've done these here in town the last 2 rounds, so hopefully nothing will be terribly screwed up this time.  Although with the way things have been going, I'm not holding my breath!

Birds & Bees Videos

This video was suggested to me from a friend.  Sounds like something I would've written.  It's kind of like they filmed my life.  And if it's like mine, it's probably like any other infertile.  Enjoy!

Jane's Pregnant Again...

This next one could be about me & my peeing on a stick hobby...

As the next video reinforces, this is NOT about making love.  It's about making babies.

And finally, the "scheduled encounters" we have all made...

Might as well laugh at this crazy thing, right?

#Ridiculousness

I am not a very superstitious person.  I walk on cracks and my mother's back is fine.  I have walked under ladders and broken mirrors and life has not been too terribly devastating...minus a few rough years.  However, I'm beginning to wonder if I need to get some garlic and a cross and walk around with it for a while...

I seem to be having problems - major problems - with even the small stuff this 3rd round of IVF.  The first round was difficult because I was shooting up for the 1st time in my life and the 1st round tends to just be overwhelming with the drugs and calendars.  The 2nd round was worse because I developed OHSS.  This 3rd round, however, I've had problems since the start.  I had to wait and wait till I finally did start.  Then I had to go through 2 pharmacies and 18,000 20 phone calls to even get them just in the nick of time.  Then, my bloodwork was all screwy since the Dr told me I could have it done here in my town, which ended up not being true. 

So, the latest trial is getting to the dr office.  Yes, you read that right.  I've been there at least 15 times.  I know how to get there - I just had trouble with that on Tuesday.  I had an appointment on January 31st at 8am for my ultrasound and calendar follow up appointment.  Because we live about an hour away from the Doc, Hubby and I decided to leave the house at 6:30am to give ourselves plenty of time in case we hit traffic.  As we sat on the Interstate, I tweeted, "Sitting behind accident #3 on I-70. #Ridiculousness."  At 8:20, we strolled into the Doc's office.  When the nurse asked how I was this morning, I told her I was here and that's as good as it's getting right now.  She just cocked her head to the side and looked at me.

Now that I think about it, that little frustrated tweet is pretty indicative of this entire round of IVF:  (Imagine me shouting this like the TV Infomercial guy Billy Mays.)

Period is late?  #Ridiculousness!  

Drugs on backorder?  #Ridiculousness!  

You don't do THAT blood test in house so no same-day results? #Ridiculousness!  

3 accidents putting us at a stand-still on the Interstate 3 times in 1 trip?  #Ridiculousness!

So, I have 2 thoughts:  Either this Round #3 is putting us through hell because I'm going to get pregnant with twins and be done with IVF forever OR it's a downhill spiral that is preparing me for another disappointment, at which point I will throw a tantrum full of #Ridiculousness.

Either way, in my opinion, it's ALL #Ridiculousness!