On Sunday, June 3rd (2 days after the Nurse called with the BFN), I was due to sing in church with our praise band. It just so happened that this weekend, I was singing by myself because the other singers were on vacation. Not good timing. I was pretty apprehensive about it, since I was having trouble even praying, let alone singing praises to God when my heart is hurting. Hubby, who is our worship leader and guitar/piano player, encouraged me to get through it and I said that I'd try.
When I arrived at church, I managed to really avoid any conversations. Just under the surface, I was still ready to cry at any moment and I was trying very hard to keep it together long enough to sing.
As the service started, I made my way up the aisle to take my place on the stage. A friend's Mom grabbed my hand and asked how things went. All I could manage to do was shake my head and continue my walk. Breathe. Get through this. Don't lose it in front of everyone.
I took my place at center stage while the associate pastor made the announcements. At the end, he stated that he'd been visiting family this week and found out that he's going to be a grandpa. This was more than I could take. I looked at Hubby and just lost it. You can probably picture this one: Pastor standing down in front of me smiling and happy about the news he just shared with the congregation. Then, behind him up on stage, I begin to cry. I walked off the stage and tried to compose myself. Thank goodness he went into a long prayer before our music, so I had the time to calm myself down and rejoin the band on stage as the music began. How in the world was I going to sing?
Somehow, I sang better that day that I had in a long time.
And as soon as the music was over, I left the sanctuary and cried. It was so unfair. I was hoping to have an announcement of my own that same day. I was also embarrassed that I lost it in public. If anyone wondered what was going on, there was no question after my public display. Way to go!