Many friends have asked about the results of our recent attempt at IVF-ICSI. I've had friends hug me, express how sorry they are, cry with me, and search for words to help me feel better. While I know they are trying to help and there are no words that can help, I wish they'd just remain silent sometimes. The following are things that you should not say to anyone in a grieving situation:
"We just don't understand God's plan." As I've said to friends, this infertility crap, as well as failed IVF are not things that come from a loving God. God would not plan for 9 little embryos to die. God would not plot for such sadness and grief in our lives. I refuse to believe in that kind of cruelty, especially from God. If a human planned to end 9 lives, we'd call him a murderer. My God is not a murderer. I can get mad. I can ask God why. But I am not blaming God for things that are not his doing.
"Everything happens for a reason." There is no reason for all this to happen. If there were a reason behind it, that means there is some plan behind it. See above for my thoughts on that.
"Let's pray together." I just can't right now. I bowed my head the other night and had nothing to say. While the time will come, I just don't have it in me right now. You can pray for me.
"When will you try again?" I just need to be sad for a minute. I'm not at the next-step phase yet. I'm still grappling with the medical bills, physical exhaustion, frustration, and sadness. (And did I mention one of the worse periods that I've ever had?!) I don't know next steps yet. When I do and I want to share, I'll let you know. Until then, please don't push ahead without letting me get over what just happened.
I do appreciate all the love, comments, and text messages that I get letting me know that I'm not alone and when I'm ready, I'll emerge a stronger person.