Progress

I called my Dr office Monday afternoon. I told them that I hadn't heard from the since the nurse sent me to get my beta done a day early (waited a second or two for a response, an excuse, but nothing) and that hubby and I would like to find out about next steps with FET.  We made an appointment for Wed., Nov 2nd  to talk to the Dr. That's right before my next cycle starts, so hopefully we can have FET done in Nov because I'm impatient I know Hubby and I would like to try once more before the end of 2011.

The acupuncturist also called me back. She started the conversation with, "So you want to get pregnant, huh?"  The receptionist that I talked to last week must've written down why I was calling. I explained that we have had 2 failed IVF cycles and are looking at doing an FET in Nov. I hoped to know more after my Nov. 2nd appointment.  She said that she has a schedule she follows and there are certain days that she does certain things in the cycle. She wants to go ahead and get me in once before we start another IVF cycle to strengthen my body.  So I scheduled an appointment with her for Tuesday afternoon.  What the heck...it can't hurt, right?

Devious

Hubby and I were being silly last night. I suggested we get T-Shirts made that say, "I went through IVF and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt."

He laughed and said we should wear them to our follow up appointment next week.

After gaining my composure, I said that we couldn't do that to those poor people in the waiting room.

He said that we are those poor people in the waiting room.

I wonder how long it takes to get T-Shirts printed.... ;-)

Photo Shoot

Hubby and I have owned our own photography business for three years. Just recently, word has spread and our calendar has gotten busy. We're still not as busy as some of our awful competitors, but we're certainly getting there.

On Sunday, Oct. 23rd, the afternoon was beautiful! The leaves were bright colors, the sun was out, and we had a family shoot at a farm. There were a set of grandparents, two grown boys with wives and grandchildren in high school - 11 people in all. Shooting them was fun as we went all over their farm capturing them with the beautiful backgrounds. We asked if there were any other combos of family members that they'd like us to shoot and they said they may have us come back sometime to shoot just the grandparents. I suggested that we go ahead and do it while we were there. The grandpa is not in great health and I've learned from my own father's passing that you take the opportunity when you have it for things like this or one day it'll be too late and the opportunity will be gone. We went inside their home, set up the backdrops, and got a few sweet shots of the older couple holding hands as they explained how they'd been together 54 years. Wow! To have such life full of family blessings. But what really got me was, as we were packing up, I saw the dining room table set for 11 people in the next room. We thanked them for their business and said we'd leave so they can eat dinner. The grandma said that they were in no hurry - that all 11 get together for family dinner every Sunday evening.

I want that.

I wanted that for my Dad, who is now gone. I want that for my Mom, who will be 70 in a few months. I want that for Hubby, who said he wanted to have lots of children with me that September day 14 years ago when he proposed. I want that for me.

Small Town Phone Calls

I've not really been convinced one way or another about acupuncture or deep tissue massage helping with implantation. (If you are confused, see my last post.). For every study or story that says it helps, there are just as many saying it does not. I can see it having value for relaxation, but I can get that from the jacuzzi tub I've already paid for that's in my own bathroom. Nevertheless, I have a call into the only acupuncturist in town. She's only in certain days of the week, so I ought to hear from her on Monday afternoon. I asked specifically if she does acupuncture for fertility and was told that she does. Then I asked who performs the acupuncture. When I found out who the acupuncturist is, I laughed. Of course, the woman knows me. Guess the cat will have to be out of the bag soon.

I have several recommendations for massage, but I need to do some follow up as far as pricing and specialties.

I, also, still need to talk to my Doc. We've still not been contacted since the day I told the Doc's nurse that I had started and she told me to go get my beta done early. Luckily, I know how to get my results from the lab, or I may have been wondering the last ~3 weeks...I know we're due for our failure follow up appointment (or as some of my fellow bloggers call the WTF appointment - Hubby says they are all WTF appointments...). I know that the Doc will have no real reasons why it didn't work this time. He had no real answers as to why IVF #1 didn't work and attempt #2 was better, so I don't expect to have any answers this time either. We do, however, have 3 frozen embryos (aka frost babies or babies on ice). Doing a frozen embryo transfer (FET) is new territory for us and I'd like to talk to the Doc in greater detail about that. I know that odds of success diminish when using frozen embryos, if they even survive the thaw. That doesn't make me feel great, but it does mean I don't have to go through retrieval again - at least for attempt #3. That is a small miracle in itself because of 2 reasons:
1. I don't like pain and last time was very painful.
2. I don't like passing out and I've tried to twice.

I guess I have to make some phone calls tomorrow to see about attempt #3.

What's Next?

Hubby and I are trying to recover from this 2nd failed attempt at IVF-ICSI. Most of the time, I'm ok. Work has been extremely busy lately. Every once in a while, though, I start feeling sorry for myself. Friends at work and church were so disappointed to hear it didn't work. My sister-in-law emailed and said she was sure it was going to work this time. I wish she was right.

I think I've handled it better this time because I found out on my own terms in private. There was not this giant get-your-hopes-up build up. I didn't have to agonize over how many hours I'd have to wait for the beta blood test and then the phone call with results. My period came early. It was an unexpected, unwelcome surprise. But it happened. In my bathroom. In the morning before I really had my wits about me. Several days early. God let me down easy this time.

Hubby hasn't said much, other than he's so very disappointed. Makes me sad that my body is now the one not cooperating. We jumped his IF hurdle. Now why is my bod not doing its job?

Several days after the beta, I realized that my math was a little off. I have been saying that we've now been trying for more than 4 years. That's not actually the truth. Technically, we've really only had a shot at it twice. Out of 4 years of timing, taking temps, charting, and now shooting myself up, we've only had a real shot at a baby two times. Stats show that it takes sometime between 3 months and a year to be successful. I do not like what I just realized.

My body is still recovering from this round of retrieval. My left ovary was handling the brunt of OHSS and I think it's still mad at me. Every once in a while, I feel a tinge of pain. I know you're angry! You don't need to take it out on me!

And now, I need your input! I was speaking with my other sister-in-law about the whole ordeal last weekend. She had several miscarriages and had a lot of trouble conceiving their 4th and final child. She gave me a book that was recommended to her that talks about nutrition and infertility. She and others have suggested both acupuncture and deep tissue massage. Our problems stem from Hubby's infertility issues. I've tested very young and healthy internally, minus PCOS which is regulated well by drugs. I can understand doing these things if I was the one in the marriage with fertility issues-but I'm not. My Doc is pleased with me and with the quantity and size of eggs I produce. Would these things do me any good? I'd normally say any excuse to have a massage is a good one, but in reality, these things are rather expensive to have done-especially more than once. What's your experience been with these things and implantation?

IVF #1 All Over Again

On Tuesday, October 4th, I was still feeling crampy, hungry and tired.  I noticed that there was a little spotting when I went to the bathroom.  I began to panic.  This is exactly what happened with IVF #1 - and even on the same day.  From that point, I was kind of a mess.  The home pregnancy tests were still coming out negative.  Things didn't look good.

On Wed., Oct. 5th, I got up and took another pregnancy test and as I was waiting the 3 minutes to read it, I noticed that there was blood in the toilet....Now isn't that the most ironic awful thing ever?  Of course the test was negative. 

I wasn't due for my beta blood test until the next day.  When I could regain control of myself and my voice, I called my Doc's office to find out what to do.  The nurse told me that I could go ahead and get my beta done early if I wanted because they had to have at least one blood test.  Not only did I want the whole thing over with, but I didn't want to take that giant needle with Progesterone in the behind if I didn't have to.  That would just be salt in the wound, really.

After a staff meeting that day, a couple co-workers asked me how I was feeling.  And that is when I lost it.  I had held it together really well until then.  I told them that I was taking my "lunch" after the meeting to go get my bloodwork done.

The trip to the blood lab was terrible.  I knew what the result was going to be, yet I still had to go through with it - another necessary evil in this process.  I called to get the results a couple hours later and it was, in fact, negative.  I got the final smack in the face in this whole process - a day early!

Blue Dye Tests are the Devil!

So on Sunday, Oct 2nd, curiosity got the better of me and I began the ritual of POASing.  I have read many other blogs and know that this day (5dp5dt) is when many fortunate ladies have gotten their BFP.  I decided that, even though the doctor's instructions say not to, I needed to take a home pregnancy test.  I'm impatient - refer to my previous post!

I used a CVS Brand Early Detection Test.  This test, I've come to find out, is one of the tests that uses blue dye.  One line if you're not pregnant.  Two lines if you are.  I saw 2 lines very quickly - and then 1 went away.  What the heck did that mean?  I got so excited that I started crying.  Was that a BFP?  The more time went by, the less the line was able to be seen until I got Hubby several minutes later and he could not see a 2nd line at all.

What just happened?

I sat the test in the drawer in my bathroom and went to church for the evening.  I pulled that test out when we got home several hours later and there were two lines for sure.  But the directions say not to read anything after a few minutes.  So I was feeling really "iffy" about the results.  Later that night, at the encouragement of Hubby, I tested again.  This time, a 2nd line showed up again, but not for about 20 minutes - way past the time you are supposed to read the results.

I, of course, consulted Dr Google, who taught me that "evaporation lines" are a real problem with blue dye pregnancy tests.  Any test that uses blue dye has a tendency to show evaporation lines - lines that show up and then quickly disappear.  They also have the tendency to give false positives after the recommended reading time.  Looks like I was a sucker for both of these problems in one day.  That was an awfully mean joke.  So....

Hubby and I made a late night trip to Wal-Mart where we bought a pack of First Response Early Response  tests (pink dye test that doesn't have the probs of the blue ones) and a pack of ClearBlue Digital tests.  I used one of each when we got home and they were definitely negative.  I also used a First Response Test the next morning and it was negative too.  I hate it that the blue dye tests got my hopes up like that.  Finding out I was one of many who fell for its tricks was an awful feeling.

The Wait

After transferring 2 embryos on Tuesday, Sept. 27th, I had to wait 9 days till my 1st beta blood test.  Have I mentioned before how much I hate waiting - for anything - let alone major results like this?  Perhaps some would say I have no patience, but I like to refer to myself as a person of action.  I like to get things done - and the quicker the better!

I had no major symptoms one way or another - and now that I was recuperating from OHSS this time, I really could not tell what may be causing what.  I was hungry and thirsty.  I had some pain and pinching in my abdomen.  It still hurt to use my muscles to start and stop peeing (sorry if that's too much info).  I was tired and napped most afternoons when I was home from work - even if I did nothing all day.  I ran a low grade fever for a couple days, but am attributing that to fighting a sinus infection.  I felt kind of blah.

Several of my friends asked me if I felt anything or felt any different.  I wish I had some great answer for them.  I told them that I could tell something was going on, but wasn't sure if my body was prepping for an oncoming period or pregnancy.

Deja Vu Transfer

We headed to the doc's office on Tuesday, Sept. 27th for transfer.  I was looking forward to this because we'd learn how our little embryos grew over the last couple of days.  I, however, was in some pain as well.  The Doc ordered me to have a full bladder for the procedure.  (Having a full bladder helps them see where they need to guide the embryos on the ultrasound screen.)  So, I emptied my bladder an hour before the procedure and drank 20 ounces of water in a matter of minutes.  And then we waited.  And waited.  And waited.....

I was still having some pain from retrieval and OHSS and a full bladder was causing me pain.  I think my bladder must've been rubbing my left ovary or something...  At any rate, my bladder was VERY full and VERY painful.  And then the Doc was running 20 minutes late.  They called my name and I told the nurse that she may have to help me if I pee my pants.  I probably shouldn't have said that in a full waiting room, but oh well.

I was prepped and put onto the table.  Dr. Larry King, my Doc, was going to do the transfer.  He came in and immediately apologized that he was running late and asked if I wanted to relieve my bladder just a little.  You're darned right I did!  So, after a 5-second bathroom break, I was back on the table and ready to begin.  He came in with our embryo report.  Two had made it to a Grade 1 blastocyst stage, 4 were at the late morula stage, and the rest didn't make it.  Two again?  After I had once again worried about how many we should transfer and weighed the pros and cons of 1, 2, or 3, the decision was made for us once again.  We agreed that we'd transfer both blastocysts.  The Doc also said that they'd let the 4 late morulas grow through the week and freeze anything that made it to the blastocyst stage, like last time.  Anybody else feeling deja vu?

After I signed the papers for the 2 to be transferred, things moved fairly quickly.  The nurse, the Doc, a student-Doc, Hubby, and embryologist were in the room.  The transfer was quick and painless.  When he was finished, they passed the tube through the window to the lab where it was examined under a microscope.  The exclamation, "Clean!" from the biologist told us that the embryos were in.  Everyone cleared and out and I laid on the table another 20 minutes while I begged Hubby to tell me a story to get my mind off my full, painful bladder.  He talked to me about his soccer team that he coaches.  The embryologist that had actually injected the sperm into the eggs and had called me each day with the update came in to introduce himself.  He told us that the embryos looked, "Really great" this time and that he hopes it's successful this round.  I thought it was nice that he personally came in to introduce himself and reassure us about our little embryos.  It was nice to put a face with the voice that I so looked forward to hearing from each day!

When the 20 minutes was up, I ran to the bathroom and was never so happy to get to pee.  Then I got dressed and we made our way out and laid down in the vehicle on the way home.  I made one quick stop at the bathroom before going to bed for the next several days.  Hubby had gotten cables and plugs to be able to hook up the computer to the tv so I could watch shows.  A friend brought over some books since some of my favorites were stolen at our other house.  My cat was by my side.  I kept getting texts and emails from friends checking in on me.  I was set.

Now, these embryos just needed to do their thing!

Babysitter Updates

14 retrieved & all fertilized with ICSI procedure on Thurs., Sept 22nd.
9 growing on Fri., Sept. 23rd.
9 growing on Sat., Sept. 24th.  All had divided.  7 4-celled Grade 1s.  2 4-celled grade 2s.
9 growing on Sun., Sept. 25th.  6 8-celled grade 1s. 1 8-celled grade 2s.  1 6-celled grade 2.  Dr said not to worry about the 6-celled one - that it could just be timing of when he checked on them.  He said that they were all looking great and were put into the growth medium under the incubator.
No update on Mon., Sept. 26th.  They leave them alone under the incubator until Tues., Sept. 27th transfer.

Grow babies, grow!

Dr Called Me at Home

The next morning, the Dr that was on call the night before called me at home to find out how I was doing.  Can I tell you how pleased I am with the entire medical staff at my Doc's Office?  She asked me if the pain was under control and if I'd been sick.  I told her that the 4 Advil were quite the blessing the night before.  She said that she only wanted me to take more Advil if it was absolutely necessary.  She told me to expect some sickness and trips to the bathroom - which had already happened - and asked me to keep an eye on my weight.  She said if I find that I put on a significant amount of weight in the next day or 2 (like 5 pounds of more) to let them know.  I'm thankful that did not happen!


I continued to take the Tylenol and lay still, except for running to the bathroom.  Hubby has been so sweet to me - making sure I'm fed and comfortable.  I think the night before scared him as much as it scared me.