Tuesday, October 11, 2011

IVF #1 All Over Again

On Tuesday, October 4th, I was still feeling crampy, hungry and tired.  I noticed that there was a little spotting when I went to the bathroom.  I began to panic.  This is exactly what happened with IVF #1 - and even on the same day.  From that point, I was kind of a mess.  The home pregnancy tests were still coming out negative.  Things didn't look good.

On Wed., Oct. 5th, I got up and took another pregnancy test and as I was waiting the 3 minutes to read it, I noticed that there was blood in the toilet....Now isn't that the most ironic awful thing ever?  Of course the test was negative. 

I wasn't due for my beta blood test until the next day.  When I could regain control of myself and my voice, I called my Doc's office to find out what to do.  The nurse told me that I could go ahead and get my beta done early if I wanted because they had to have at least one blood test.  Not only did I want the whole thing over with, but I didn't want to take that giant needle with Progesterone in the behind if I didn't have to.  That would just be salt in the wound, really.

After a staff meeting that day, a couple co-workers asked me how I was feeling.  And that is when I lost it.  I had held it together really well until then.  I told them that I was taking my "lunch" after the meeting to go get my bloodwork done.

The trip to the blood lab was terrible.  I knew what the result was going to be, yet I still had to go through with it - another necessary evil in this process.  I called to get the results a couple hours later and it was, in fact, negative.  I got the final smack in the face in this whole process - a day early!

15 comments:

  1. So very sorry honey. I wish I had words to make it better. Sending lots of hugs.

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  2. I'm so sorry :-( I know that feeling all too well. I hate the trip to the RE's office when you already know the answer. Big hugs. We're here for you for your next steps.

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  3. This is not what I was expecting!!! I am so so sorry hun. I know how much those words hurt. Take time for you and take it day by day. hugs...xo

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  4. I am so so sorry. I wish I could say something to make it better. We're here for you.

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  5. I am so sorry.. Like the comment above, its hard to find the right words to say. Just know that you have supporters hear to listen and always support you..

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  6. I'm so sorry. I'm going through the same thing, so I know there are no words. But know that I am right there with you, sending love and hope xo

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  7. I've been reading your story (I'm new to the blogging world) and I'm currently going through our first IVF cycle. This news is heartbreaking!!! You're so strong to go through all of this. Sending a hug your way.

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  8. Oh Honey, my heart is just breaking for you. I am so incredibly sorry, this is just so unfair. I wish there was something I could say or do to make this easier, just know I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs filled with hope.

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  9. I'm so sorry. I know nothing I say can make it better, but please know my thoughts are with you right now.

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  10. I'm so, so sorry. There are few things that hurt like a failed cycle. Lots of hope and positive thoughts sent your way as you work through this.

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  11. Hey, I found you through Amanda. I'm so sorry for your negative. It really hurts.

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear this news. Ugh. Thinking of you and yours.

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  13. I'm so sorry to hear that this cycle didn't work out... each of my negatives after an IVF cycle has been like a miscarriage... the pain is so much more raw after the hope attached to being PUPO. Thinking of you over this difficult time. Love always xoxo

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  14. I'm a new follower, just found your blog. I'm so sorry! I just got word today that my IVF cycle failed too. I know how you feel and it is the worst!

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